My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
