Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
