i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
