So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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