Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
