I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
