UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
