if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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