Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
