Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
