Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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