this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
