So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
