You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
