I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
