you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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