last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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