I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
