you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the day after is always just damage control
His hands were made for my vagina.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize