he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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