just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
