u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We have started to decorate penises.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
