I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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