just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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