You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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