he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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