hotel room ftw
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
