AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I stole a fireplace last night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
