I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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