Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
