We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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