He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
