Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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