Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
