it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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