So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
