Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
