There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
