some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
