ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
