perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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