I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
