so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
