I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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