bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
