I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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