I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
