Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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