my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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