You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
