Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
