The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
