So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The best revenge is premature balding
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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