It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
