my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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