This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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