just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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