I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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