I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
