I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
