Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
