When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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