shes about as inviting as chlamydia
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
