I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
