I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
