Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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