im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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