i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize