I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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