You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
