We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
