Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
