is wine microwaveable?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
