"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
