I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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